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HANNAH'S RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
Hannah G.
I have experience with mostly long-term relationships, and some dating experience. One relationship lasted for 10 years. My current relationship just passed one year. I will be explaining everything from the perspective of these experiences.
Q: What’s the hardest part about meeting someone?
A: The pandemic made it so very difficult to date. Oftentimes, I never got to meet the people I spoke with. Going with my gut instinct is what I do best, and that’s a difficult thing to navigate when you can’t do anything face to face. It made me realize just how unique and challenging these times are, and how important face-to-face interactions can be for connecting with people in general. The few people who did make it past the texting/online stage are people that I had either met in person pre-pandemic or had made a great impression on me while messaging on social media.
Q: What do you prefer to do the first time you’re meeting/going out with someone?
A: My favorite thing to do is eat! I love being adventurous, too. Because of the pandemic, all of my first dates involved walking somewhere outside — usually a cute touristy area where we would window shop. My current boyfriend and I went to local parks often. We got to explore some parks that I had never heard of — ones that were located right here in my own hometown.
Q: What’s your No. 1 rule about dating?
A: I always made sure that conversation was 50/50 at bare minimum. I needed to feel that I had the freedom and space to say anything that I wanted. As someone who historically has been very introverted, this is a huge change for me.
I need my partner to be that comforting light that I can rely on to make the day a little better. Relationships are a two-way street. I need to feel like what I am doing with my life matters and is just as important as what my partner is doing. To give an example, I once went on a date with someone who was nice and well-rounded. He also had MS, so it was interesting talking about symptoms. But you know what? I didn’t feel heard and didn’t get enough talking time in for myself, despite many attempts at finding just the right verbal “window” to open. I crossed him off the list about halfway through our one date. My gut instinct told me it wouldn’t work.
Q: At what point do you tell someone you have MS?
A: I tell people I have MS right from the get-go. It’s right there on my social media handles for the whole world to see. I have nothing to fear from losing out on someone who’s a “good catch,” because if they’re really all that good of a catch, they’d be interested in my story and would have questions to ask of me. My MS is like a shadow monster that follows me everywhere I go. It affects my day-to-day, and anyone who dates me deserves to know. Conversely, I deserve to know if they are inclined to accept me, my disease, and the bad days that may come with it.
Q: Can you give an example or two of how someone responded when you shared that you had MS?
A: I can give a few examples. One person was mildly interested in a short synopsis of what MS is. He didn’t ask many questions after that. Maybe he didn’t want to pry? Perhaps he didn’t like talking about anything negative. I basically told him I’m an open book; he could ask me anything.
On the other hand, another person ended up opening up to me about his own struggles after I explained how MS affects me. I have found that these kinds of in-depth conversations tend to do that to people, so I wasn’t surprised. In the end, I stopped talking to him for other reasons.
My current boyfriend asked me every question imaginable about MS. How does it work in the brain? Is it contagious? What kinds of symptoms do you experience now? He asked me about what my day-to-day is like and how I navigate the world. I could tell these questions came from a place of concern and that he wondered what the future would look like. He had decided that every part of my personality was worth the possible struggles that would happen later in life due to MS.
My previous boyfriend of 10 years was around when I was diagnosed, and even went with me to my first appointment with the neurologist who broke the news. He was supportive in the moment when my symptoms were visible. But that seemed to be it. I remember feeling alone with my invisible symptoms and not feeling like we were a unit. At some point, I realized I needed someone who will be more open about their concern for me. I put me first.
Q: What’s a total deal-breaker in a boyfriend/date?
Q: What’s a total deal-breaker in a boyfriend/date?
A: Not accepting my pets as family members! How in the world can I be expected to date a non-animal-lover? Let’s take it a step further — how can I ever date anyone who doesn’t hold pets to the status of a family member? They’re my babies, and I love them so much. They help me deal with life and give me so much to look forward to in my day-to-day.
Q: Any advice for someone in a slump?
A: Please be patient. Do some soul-searching and really pinpoint what your standards are. Are there any specific questions that need to be answered in order for you to feel your best with your partner? You can be picky, and you can probably wait for the right person to come along. Be honest with them, too, because honesty will help you and your partner figure out if you’re right for each other. Find someone who will listen to absolutely everything, who will remember things that are important that you didn’t expect them to remember.
For example, my boyfriend knew that I was heat-intolerant from the beginning. I explained all the things that can happen if I become too overheated. It was a lot to take in. To my amazement, on our first hiking adventure he seemed to remember everything. He offered ways to help alleviate some symptoms, such as making sure I packed my ice towels, ice and plenty of water. We brainstormed some ideas to make our time together a little easier since we spent a lot of time at parks. The best part is when he can see dizziness and other symptoms when I’ve pushed myself too hard. I tend to get so excited about our hikes that I don’t take breaks as often as I need to. He can just see it in my eyes, and this is when he makes me take those breaks. I appreciate him so much for noticing the things I tend to hide from everyone else.
See more of Hannah's stories
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OCREVUS Prescribing Information. Genentech, Inc. 2016.
OCREVUS Prescribing Information. Genentech, Inc. 2016.
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